Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
