I hate your face
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
