shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Acid is not a monday night drug
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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