she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
