Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
only if we run a train.
done.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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