so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
sex in a hospital.. check
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
