I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
