Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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