don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
