Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
