There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
