i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
