I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
