So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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