yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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