I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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