Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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