Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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