Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I understand Curling. That high.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
