Your tits are I can't wait for
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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