I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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