New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
