he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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