what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
