So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
