I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
