Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
