If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
