my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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