CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Randomize