Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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