We're facebook friends in real life
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
