I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
