you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
