i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So much rum. So many feels.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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