you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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