Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize