im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
