I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
