Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
