I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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