Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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