she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
