Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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