Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
