i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
