I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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