obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
