i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
