Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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