I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
