Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize