i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Terrible idea I love it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
