RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
