Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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