garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
