I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
