it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
