i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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