I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
