Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
