Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
