You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
